Speeching is Good!

Good news Sam can talk like a four year old now! Sam will probably be graduating from speech therapy soon! I am very excited for him! I will be returning to school soon! I'm nervous and excited and a bundle of tears and fears! I am having a ladies night out party on Saturday! It should be fun!

I also found out I can't sing... thank for telling me politely...shit! Talking to my sister in law and she tells me that my voice coach apparently taught me wrong and it bugs people. I sing karaoke all the time and no one has said anything other than I sound good. Don't lie to me people! If I suck tell me don't humor me and say it was good. That's what makes me the maddest is they still encourage me to sing! I took voice lessons for three years if I still "can't sing" maybe I shouldn't.

Bryce Really Scared Me!

My dear sweet baby was almost lost forever last night at Evel Kenievel Days last night! Mark set him down for a second to dig in his wallet and Bryce wandered off! I was so scared I was running through the crowd rambling and screaming off Bryce's basic description. He was found about a minute later a woman was holding him looking for his parents. He was happy and unaltered by the whole experience. Mark however had a really hard time forgiving himself afterwards, as did I. Sam was the first person to notice Bryce was missing! I didn't realize Mark had set Bryce down so I wasn't even thinking about watching him... this has shown me several things though! Sam actually loves his brother, Sam is more capable then I thought, Bryce is really fast and could be lost, and on and on.

side note Sam slept last night without pills! Wednesday he couldn't sleep,Tuesday he was up twice...

here we go again

It's started back up again! Sam sleep till 11 pm then is awake for two hours then... it started up again Saturday and hasn't quit. I been giving him a double dose of his medicine like the doctor suggested and it only worked Friday and now its not working again! I have an appointment this coming Friday. I was supposed to get an appointment with a psychiatrist but they still haven't called me back. Today I had my expert from FA over today and asked her about his roaming the house at night and she accused me of not being consistent with a bedtime schedule (and I really am consistent how many parents can name the step in there bedtime routine? I can!) and she also suggested locking him in his room at night...Um OK I then explained to her that Sam has an odd phobia of closed doors and goes ballistic when I lock him in anywhere and she told me, "well your the parent you just need to be firm." Firm my ass he's afraid! Am I really supposed to sit there while he screams for mommy while he's locked inside his room?ASIF! I wonder what kind of psychological problems that will cause! I have also been filming Sam's tantrums as much as possible so maybe someone who looks at the footage can help me!

And Sam finally slept!

Sam had 12 hours of much needed sleep! He woke up twice during that time but screamed once and went back to sleep! Unfortunately it seems that him having that much sleep has just awakened the fact that he needs the sleep that he has missed for six+ months. Today he is cranky and craving sensory input. He has used his brush twice today and its only 3 pm. Mark has discovered he can tickle the screams away! He threaten to tickle Sam for screaming Sam say no no but really he needs it! I wish Sam would use his weighted blanket to help himself self sooth.

On a side note I got called for jury duty! Finally! I been waiting my whole life for it! Unfortunately I can't do it due to my duty to take care of Sam. So I paid a dollar to have it notarized so I can be excused. mark also got called for jury duty! He gets to do it he is less than pleased... I want to trade with him!

Send in the Experts!

Well the people came today to talk to us about night time respite care for Sam. Ugh he doesn't qualify for the program and I have to apply for B program. I get so frustrated with these things it seems like we have tons of help and no one is actually doing any work! its like construction sites you know the one guy working while the rest are standing on shovels! I feel alone in my struggle to find what Sam needs. I am losing my mind with lack of sleep. Josie is going to drive me to Sam's doctor's appointment this afternoon, since I am afraid of driving while I have had little sleep. I wish I had more money to just take care of Sam myself I am sick of trying to convince government agencies that I need help for my son!

Well as I said before we are off to find new medicine today for Sam wish us luck!

New medicine no sleep!

Well Sam got a new sleep medication today.. no dice. He was still awake ever 3-4 hours and sometimes like every 30 minutes. Ugh back to the doctor tomorrow. after that we went to Wal*mart I filmed Sam screaming in Wal*mart. Why he is afraid of big crowds and store I will never know. I don't even know what to do or how to help him...

I went out to the ranch today! It was Ken's birthday. We has steaks barbecued on the grill with corn on the cob and salad! Yay! The boys played with their cousins and I got a small break while I pretended not to care and let Mark's family watch them (usually I'm anal and won't let anyone watch them). It's nice to have a small break every once in awhile. I really should stop being so obsessive about it and let Mark's family help watch the kids more often. I just don't want to be a burden on them. You know? I ended up getting home kinda late. I got home in just enough time to kiss Mark before work and hand he the keys to leave. So sad... On the plus side I had a good time and I got to sleep today because Mark watched the kids this afternoon! It was most pleasant!

Since Sam didn't sleep tonight well I cleaned my house and am posting this blog...I prolly should have left it a bit messy for the insurance people coming tomorrow that are going to assess whether or not Sam needs services during the night. Oh well I really really needed a clean house for my sanity! Again with the obsessing I been doing that a lot lately what is that lack of sleep turing my brain to soup?:(

Pictures from the California Trip!

These are pictures from my trip to California
Music By Kevin Mcleod